Today, I embark upon an age-old tradition — the family car trip.

We will attempt to drive 13 hours in the car with two boys under the age of 7 over two days.

Hopefully, at the end, we will reach sand and surf . . . if we all survive.

Traveling with us will be a cooler full of sugar-free drinks, Coke Zero, water and the ever-present insulin vials for my youngest.

Ever given someone a shot in the back of an SUV? I must say I’ve gotten pretty good at it. And my son looks at it as an adventure. Ah, youth . . .

Yes, we might be crazy, but if we’re headed for the funny farm we’re all going together.

Here’s a self portrait of what I anticipate I will look like in two days’ time.

As you can see, the proverbial walls are closing in on me. Plus, it looks like I may need some Propecia or other hair-loss product . . .

But a shining ray of light for me is that I thought far enough ahead to order some amazing steaks to be delivered to us during our week-long stay in paradise. This I know:  the food will be good.

Why? Because I will be preparing those steaks just the way I like them.

And we’ll be making some memories, too.

Catch you next week when I’m hangin’ ten, dudes!

(That is, if “hangin’ ten” means sitting under an umbrella reading back issues of “Real Simple” and “Oprah” magazines while my sons inadvertently flick sand in my drink.)

I took a survey of my neighbors (as we were standing around the yard yakking) and I asked, “What are you cooking this Memorial Day?”

I got lots of different answers. Some surprising, some quite traditional.

But there was one theme that carried throughout:  family.

Whether extended family will be getting together or it’s just the immediate family staying home, everyone was looking forward to being with their loved ones . . . and eating.

Most of our kids are out of school on Friday and Monday, some just Monday, and that usually requires some planning of activities and meals to cut down on the whining and restlessness.

So here’s a sampling of their answers . . .

“Burgers and hot dogs in the back yard.”

This is the go-to meal for April and Bobby*. Good choice, good choice.

“We’re just going to sleep in and rummage around the house for food. Maybe order a pizza,” said Vicki.

(Boo, I thought, we do that every other weekend. This is MEMORIAL DAY, man!)

Elizabeth and Ron said, “We’ve got some steaks and we’re going to make some potato salad and invite our folks over on Monday.”

Now we’re talking. “What kind of steaks?” I asked.

“Some sirloin and strips.”

My mind wandered off and I pictured myself running through a meadow in a white lace dress with my husband carrying a plate of freshly grilled sirloin and strip steaks . . .

. . . but I came back to reality when I realized someone had asked me what we were having.

“Barbecue ribs,” I said.

I am looking forward to that. We’re inviting my whole side of the family over. My parents and my brother and his family.

We let the kids run around together and we all pretend they aren’t acting like animals. Denial. It’s a gift.

And if there’s whining, I’ll send them all over to rummage around at Vicki’s house.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent — or guilty, whatever the case may be. 

Okay, we’ll start with the bad news and get it overwith. My Boys in Blue lost to the Giants in a heartbreaking game on Sunday. Are we SURE Jessica Simpson wasn’t there?

Anyway, the good news is my family and I drowned our sorrows in some incredible steaks after our crushing defeat. The filets, strips and ribeyes were exactly what the doctor ordered. (I lost my mind and thought my order included T-bones – no matter, the ribeyes were awesome. I think I like them better than T-bones now.)

We turned on the grill with 7 minutes to go in the 4th quarter when there was still a ray of hope that Romo and the boys would pull it out. But by the time the steaks were done so were the Cowboys.

It’s always nice to end the evening on a positive note so we concentrated on how tender and flavorful our steaks were. My parents joined us and we all had our steaks cooked to order. No seasoning for Dad – KC strip, medium well. No pink, please. We butterflied a filet for Mom and added the Steak and Prime Rib Seasoning that comes with all the KC Steaks orders. Yum!

All in all, a wonderful evening. There was really no “ugly” unless you count the shouting at the TV. And we’ll just pretend that never happened . . .